In Kentucky, a state that has been shifting towards more liberal values, Jamie passed away on June 14th. He was a divorcee, father, grandfather, and owned a few lots in a trailer park. It is believed that he passed away to avoid experiencing another Presidential stolen-election mishap in the near future.
James, an avid consumer of fried foods, snack cakes, and chili cheese dogs, attempted to end his life by clogging his arteries and suffering a stroke in 2015. In a surprising turn of events, Rocky and Rodney, the twin boys of the individual in question, compelled him to visit the hospital, despite his initial intentions. According to witnesses at the hospital’s emergency room, the individual in question was overheard exclaiming, “Let’s make a break for it!” However, a member of the hospital staff caught wind of the statement and subsequently compelled the individual to undergo the necessary medical procedure. Despite his lack of enthusiasm, he still went to the event.
In the early hours of the morning, James was frequently spotted in his trailer park backyard, indulging in beers and tending to country-style ribs. Amidst the revelry, he could be heard shouting, “It’s got a head like a cat on it!” while his neighbors looked on in a mix of disgust and amazement. Despite the slurred remarks of his party guests urging him to speed up his cooking style, James remained steadfast in his backyard festivities. According to their statement, they have been present at the location since 5 o’clock. The individual stated that they have work scheduled for the following morning.
It is unclear whether he was married, but he certainly had a reputation as a ladies’ man. A group of women including Kathy, Mary Lou, Tammy, Debra, Carrie, Tina, and others were present. With pride, he pointed to his skinny, pasty-white legs and declared, “It’s the bones.” According to the source, women have a strong affinity for a well-defined shin. It is believed that there may be female individuals awaiting his arrival on the opposite end. According to sources, Jamie’s love for his family may have some competition. Among his other passions are reportedly ice-cold Busch, room-temperature Busch, T-bones, New York strip, prime rib, shrimp, swimming, poker, hatch-back Mustang GTs, tank-tops, Kentucky Men’s basketball, and his personal copy of Eddie Murphy’s Raw.
In a recent development, a man has passed away, leaving behind his loved ones. The deceased is survived by his second-favorite son, Rocky (and Lizeth) Loveless of Arizona City, AZ, his favorite son, Rodney Loveless of Science Hill, KY, a younger brother, Joey, and unofficial daughter Melissa (and Coy) Vance of the trailer park. Additionally, the man has left behind a pair of old boxers with the design ‘Buttweiser the King of Rears’ printed on them. According to sources, he is expected to be moderately missed.
